I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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