they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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