Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
