i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
