Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
