It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
