This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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