Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
