I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
