Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
