Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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