I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
