That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
