I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
