Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
