around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
