it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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