you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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