So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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