Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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