I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
