How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
