We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
