what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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