so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
