Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
