I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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