He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
