This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
