so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
