Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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