I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
