Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
