$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
