Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
