my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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