Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
