You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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