Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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