im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
