well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
