carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
