My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Text me some of your sweat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
