I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
