I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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