I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
