I can tuck mytits in my pants
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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