i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
