That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize