You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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