And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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