Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
