I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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