i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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