I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
