And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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