Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
