I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
