sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Alive.
So much puke
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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