It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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