and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize