dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
