Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
