I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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