...so i touched it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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