Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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