Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
