dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
