The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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