Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
