I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
