Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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