Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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