I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
