No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
