An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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