one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
