In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
