I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
