We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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